I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
