Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
