I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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