it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
