Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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