If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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