just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
