@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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