She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
