Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is the high leading the old right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
