i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
