Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
