he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
