You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
