If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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