I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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