Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
