NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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