It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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