Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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