can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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