We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
