Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
