"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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