I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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