@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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