I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
