At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
