wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
