Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
