Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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