you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Success! We fucked roommates!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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