i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
