It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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