isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
