i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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