Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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