i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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