I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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