i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
