She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
