Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
