oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
