new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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