hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
