i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
