look no pants
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
