awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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