just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
