There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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