Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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