Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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