I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
