So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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