I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
