listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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