U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
