You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
